Sunday, September 30, 2007

One Sunday, Two Toons.




Steve Greenberg
Ventura County Star
Sep 30, 2007

Friday, September 28, 2007

Free Burma!

Lotsa good coverage at Andrew Sullivan's blog.

Reminds me of how lucky we are to live in this country.

That is all I will post today.

Supposedly a partial military revolt is underway. I hope that is true.

Reminds me of when the Polish Army declared Martial Law back in the 80's.

Vive la Revolution!

Even President Dubya is right on this one. For Once.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Here is one NUTTY Catholic Bishop

File under: Lord, save us from your followers. Particularly the sexually repressed who claim condoms cause HIV infection. SOME bishops are more concerned with stopping sexual activity than stopping people from dying and spreading the AIDS virus.

What we need is more condoms and less stupidity. People are gonna screw. There is nothing hornier on the planet than a teenage or young adult male. It is the Lord's plan. Blame HER. Now pass the condoms please.

From the B of BC.

2 Toons, Cool Weather, September


Peanut Butter, The Atheist's Nightmare!

There is no need for me to comment on this. Lord, save us from your followers.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I winced when I read this story.

From a news source from down under. Which is appropriate.

Great writing on Ken Burn's "The War"

From Salon.com.

You must remember this

Ken Burns makes deeply emotional films that pluck America's chords of memory. In the case of World War II, this approach feels absolutely right.


Read the whole thing and watch the series on PBS.

Red State Update on the Jena 6

This is some funny stuff.

Country Music Deserts Dubya

About time. I wonder if they would like some "freedom fries" with their angst.

From the Telegraph.

Country music deserts George Bush

By Tim Shipman in Washington
Last Updated: 1:00am BST 23/09/2007

Country music has thrived for years as the soundtrack to redneck America, supplying the Republican heartlands with a diet of knee-jerk jingoism that has included flag-waving anthems supporting the war on terror.

Toby Keith with his star spangled guitar
Toby Keith has claimed he never supported the war

But as the US death toll rises in Iraq and public patience with the conflict — and with George W. Bush — diminishes, many anti-war songs are emerging from Nashville, Tennessee, home of the genre.

Monday, September 24, 2007

This group of evangelical voters can kiss my ass

Family values debate. Pucker up.

God, save us from those who claim to love you.

1 Toon 1 Monday 1 Republic

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Hottest Athlete Announced

I never heard of this woman. I never heard of the National Dragster Hotrod Association. I find her attractive, but not the hottest.

I've seen pics of some professional volleyball chicks(sexually offensive comment) and some of them are f'n hot. 6 foot tall and Germanic looking. Sorta like Nilsa She Wolf of the SS.


Stripping for Ron Paul. God Bless the United States of America!


Ron Paul Girl - More free videos are here

The Trouble with Islam. A Brit's view.

This guy is funny and incisive.

"Beliefs often lifted wholesale from some ancient desert nomad with a psychological disorder."

"Because we live in a liberal democracy and therefore have certain double standards to maintain any criticism of Islam or of Muslims always draws the accusation of Islamophobia."

"Get an inflatable woman and blow her up and you can simply stone her to death and get another one, in the usual way."

"Because I don't want to be murdered by some hysterical, self righteous, carpet chewing, muppet with shit for brains."

Report Questions Daley Nephew's Financial Dealings


From NBC5.

More to come tomorrow from the Times of Sun.

Government pension funds. Real estate. Daley family member.

When is the Leprechaun King gonna realize the city does not exist for him to enrich his large extended family and circle of mobbed up friends.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Emotional San Diego Mayor Supports Gay Marriage

Interesting. My take on it all is simple. I oppose all marriage; however, if gays want to get married they should have that right.

If YOU oppose gay marriage, then don't get "gay married". Otherwise STFU and mind your own business. Freedom means everyone. Not just those we approve of.

If you like pro football you may enjoy this

Pro Football teams as Star Wars characters.

Da Bears are listed as Anakin:"Brash and talented with no arm". Kinda funny.

I am not a sports fan. Too much news and pornography to follow.

Friday, September, 2007 1 toon



David Horsey
Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Sep 21, 2007

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Cartoon on the Museum Controversy.


From Jack Higgins and the Sun Times.

I don't think it is primarily a racial issue. I am sure there are some idiots opposing it for "racial" reasons, but mostly it strikes me as a NIMBY issue. The residents of that area see it as their little park and no one else can play. The arguments about keeping Grant Park open, free and clear are a smokescreen or made by well meaning but misinformed people. The proposed building will take up little more space than what it is replacing and it will tie in nicely with Millennium Park.

As for links to newspaper coverage it is everywhere. Just open up a local paper or website.

As for those who suggest it be put somewhere else are they going to pay for it? Right now we have some annoying rich folks willing to foot the bill for Grant Park. Personally, I prefer their filthy money be spent on improving the park than my filthy, and less, money.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Conswervative

From Urban Dictionary.

Urban Word of the Day
www.urbandictionary.com

September 18, 2007: conswervative

http://www.urbandictionary.com/

A conservative politician or other public figure caught doing things
that he has denounced on record.

Larry Craig is a conswervative, as is Ted Haggard.

Monday, September 17, 2007

1 toon, 1 postcard,1 Monday

From Post Secret.


1 Toon on the Horrible Effect of Sluttiness



Ted Rall
Universal Press Syndicate
Sep 17, 2007

Great Take on the CTA from the Beachwood Reporter

Beachwood Reporter.

Click on the link and read the entire thing.



The [Monday] Papers
By Steve Rhodes / Posted on September 17, 2007

A Tribune examination of thousands of documents in a federal investigative file adds ballast to those of us who have long thought the mayor's fancy flowers and power-washed downtown streets were the perfect front for a city whose realities fail to live up to its picture-perfect postcards.

In this case, it's the CTA - just the latest in a long line of city agencies and municipal projects riddled with incompetence and corruption that somehow fails to attach itself to the mayor who has overseen it for 18 years.

"Thousands of pages containing documents and transcribed interviews with CTA workers tell the hidden story of why track inspections were hit and miss, repairs were backlogged and managers either failed to correct dangerously deteriorated track conditions or claimed they were unaware of them," the paper found.

"The core issue, investigators found, was not funding troubles, but a gross lack of management and oversight by the CTA and its parent agency, the Regional Transportation Authority. Investigators were unable to determine what had become of thousands of inspection and maintenance reports and are unsure whether they were done at all or were either lost or destroyed.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Sperm Bank Crisis.

From the post of NY.

There are so many jokes I could make here.

But I won't.

Ok, I lied.

"Would you like a refill, maam?"

What hair I have left is actually blond or at least blondish........with a hint of grey. As for STD's I've never had any that couldn't be cured with antibiotics. It was a youthful indiscretion. Sure I have a history of alcoholism on both sides of my family, but we are pretty. So you can have blond children, with oversized heads, bad attitudes, high IQ's, and mildly sarcastic natures all for the price of some alcoholism. Did I mention they would be good looking.

My sister, who dyed her blond hair reddish, once won an international Irish beauty pageant. It helped that she was by far the tallest contestant. Six foot tall and redheaded. Quite striking among her height challenged fellow contestants. I wonder if she was wearing high heels? Shit, that woulda made her 6 foot 3 or so. Damn. Generally many Irish are relatively short. We got our height from my mom's family. Her brother was well over 6 foot and she had aunts who were considered giants in their day.

2 Toooons, 1 Sunday, No OJ



Chuck Asay
Creators Syndicate Inc.
Sep 16, 2007



Randy Bish
Tribune-Review
Sep 16, 2007

Best Opening TV credits montage

OJ arrested. F'n Great. Move over Brangelina.

Couldn't he just have the decency to get eaten by an alligator.

OJ arrested.

Now the news is going to be dominated with that shit and shithead for awhile.

Artist video. Quite good.

Found this over at Andy Sullivan's blog. Which is linked somewhere on this mess of a page.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

The circle of life is completed!

After posting those earlier videos with gay themes or jokes I felt the need to add some macho to this blog. More macho than John Wayne. More macho than Senator Craig. More macho than Reverend Haggard.


Military Contributions to Democrats Soaring.

From Capital Eye.

I found the link at the website of Andy Sullivan.

I wonder what is causing such an increase? HMMM.

Gayliens and more!

Found the first one at the blog of Andrew Sullivan which is linked at the right.

From there I found the others.

I of course want to dedicate this post to Uptown's own Anita Mandalay. Who apparently runs the MM Neighbors site in my link section and makes fine videos.


Awkward Campaign Questions

Dubya and Hillary don't look good here.

Friday, September 14, 2007

The Southern Avenger takes on the war in Iraq

HMMMM, another conservative against the war. Or should I say a real conservative as opposed to the Christian Chorus that passes for conservatism today.

Perhaps the funniest thing about Dubya I have seen in years

From the website of Andrew Sullivan.

9/11 and Bush

14 Sep 2007 03:19 pm

A reader writes:

Your comment about Bush trying to frame the Iraq war as a simple battle between "Good" and "Evil" reminds me of my one 9/11 joke. I know it's wrong, insensitive, and politically incorrect to have a 9/11 joke, but since I don’t have a TV show to lose (and it speaks to your point), here it is.

On 9/11 my youngest son was 5 years old. The attack was mentioned in his school, and he saw some of the story on TV when my wife and I were watching. Being curious, he asked why people would do such a thing. We always try to be as honest as we can with our children, while keeping in mind their intellectual and developmental limits. So we told him that there were some bad people who don't like America and they did this bad thing because they wanted to hurt us. That seemed to satisfy his curiosity at the time, but I felt very conflicted with what I had said. I didn't like that I'd resorted to overly general categories like bad people or that I felt I had to completely skip over some of the rationale for anti-American sentiment, even though I believe some of it is justified. I just wondered if I had done him a disservice by glossing over it so superficially. But then a couple days later, Bush finally addressed the nation on the attack. And his speech was filled with overgeneralizations about the "evil doers", their acts of evil and how we would track them down and good would prevail over evil. Suddenly I felt better about what I had said to my 5 year old because I realized that Bush's parents had obviously explained it to him the same way.

Peraica a goon commentary.

From the Sun Times.

What do you do with a guy after he's arrested for slashing tires on cars owned by a bunch of Catholic nuns?

Why, you put him on your campaign payroll, of course.


Read the whole article for more hilarity. You couldn't write this stuff in a novel. People would scoff.

Rich Miller is an interesting political pundit.

He also runs the Capitol Fax Blog.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Peraica is kwazy. As is at least one of his supporters. This is amusing


From the Daily Southtown.

I voted for Kwazy Tony over Todd Stroger. Perhaps there shoulda been a 3rd choice.

Peraica has a guy on his payroll who slashed the tires of nuns cars.

I kid you not.

He met the guy while defending him against those charges.

I couldn't make this shit up. No wonder the Repubs are in trouble in this county and state.

Can the Dems become the party for grown ups?

This is a great article. Kurt Andersen.


But that is beginning to sound wishful. In fact, if the Democrats don’t blow it, 2008 could be the election that finishes off the pro-GOP salience of the tough-daddy-soft-mommy paradigm. Because the Republicans are being rapidly rebranded as a party of men who exemplify the least attractive, most pathetic aspects of the gender—they are the stubborn, arrogant, lazy, incompetent (Iraq, Katrina), hypocritical, crude, nasty fathers, Homer Simpson crossed with Tony Soprano, the kind of men who snarl and posture as old-fashioned patresfamilias but don’t come through when and where it counts. The GOP is becoming the deadbeat-daddy party.

The logic of War

Once again Andy Sullivan has a good post.

"But war, taking away the affluence of daily necessaries, is a most violent master and conformeth most men's passions to the present occasion ... The received value of names imposed for signification of things was changed into arbitrary. For inconsiderate boldness was counted true-hearted manliness; provident deliberation, a handsome fear; modesty, the cloak of cowardice; to be wise in everything, to be lazy in everything. A furious suddenness was reputed a point of valour.

To re-advise for the better security was held a fair pretext of tergiversation. He that was fierce was always trusted, and he that contraried such a one was suspected," - Thucydides, Peloponnesian War, translated by Thomas Hobbes.


By the way, tergiversation means the following. I had to look it up.

–verb (used without object), -sat·ed, -sat·ing.
1. to change repeatedly one's attitude or opinions with respect to a cause, subject, etc.; equivocate.
2. to turn renegade.
[Origin: 1645–55; < L tergiversātus (ptp. of tergiversārī to turn one's back), equiv. to tergi- (comb. form of tergum back) + versātus, ptp. of versāre, freq. of vertere to turn; see -ate1]

The Breastplate of Righteousness

Andrew Sullivan has a purdy good take on why many law and order types tend to have interesting vices.

Men he had observed having anonymous sex in a public place often turned out to be ardent champions of law and order. Unable to control themselves in that part of their lives, they put on the defensive “breastplate,” redoubling their efforts elsewhere: “Motivated largely by his own awareness of the discreditable nature of his secret behavior,” wrote Humphreys in his dissertation, “the covert deviant develops a presentation of self that is respectable to a fault. His whole lifestyle becomes an incarnation of what is proper and orthodox.”


It seems to be a good explanation of the phenomena.

Many years ago I was in Kitty O'Shea's bar in the Hilton on Michigan Avenue. There was some kind of evangelical convention in town at the hotel just south. Many of the participants in the convention were at the bar. You couldn't cut the sexual tension in that room with a chainsaw. It was that thick. I imagine there was all kinds of wife swapping going on that night. Another thing. Evangelicals tend not to be the most attractive folks on the planet. "We're going to the big city Martha, bring the strap on."

Creeped me out. Hard to believe, I know. I at least acknowledge my "demons".

5 toons, 1 Thursday. One made me laugh out loud



Tim Jackson
Chicago Defender, Madison …
Sep 13, 2007



John R. Rose
Byrd Newspapers of Virginia
Sep 13, 2007



Rob Rogers
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Sep 13, 2007



Adam Zyglis
The Buffalo News
Sep 13, 2007



Dwane Powell
News and Observer
Sep 13, 2007

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Those Wacky Repubs and their Sex Scandals


Now we have a former New Orleans hooker saying she had an affair with Senator Vitter back in the 90's. I dunno if that is true, but he certainly admitted to knowing other hookers.

Ya gotta luv Larry Flynt. Always hanging out near the assend of American life trying to expose the dark underbelly of the American Experience. Like me. Only richer.

This hooker is kinda attractive though. Not that I have ANY experience with hookers(BIG LIE), but I was wondering what her rates are. Does she post on Craigslist? Does she like wearing a wet, wool, oversized Irish fisherman's sweater during coitus? Can she make a realistic sheep sound? Does she find the word "coitus" ridiculous?

Just wondering.

4 toons, 1 Wednesday, very early in da morn



Randy Bish
Tribune-Review
Sep 12, 2007



Ed Gamble
Florida Times Union
Sep 12, 2007



Riley?
Courier Publication Group
Sep 12, 2007



Scott Stantis
Birmingham News
Sep 12, 2007

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

3 Columns on 9/11

Michael Daly.

who believed the well-written word always matters in humble service to the truth, which outlives us all.


Dave Barry. Perhaps the best piece of writing on 9/11.

And years will pass, and more people will come here, and more, people who were not yet born when Flight 93 went down, coming to see this famous place.

Let's hope, for their sake, that the world they live in is less troubled than it is today. Let's hope they've never had to feel anything like the pain of Sept. 11, 2001.

Let's also hope that, when they stand here, they know enough to be silent, to show respect.

Let's hope they understand why this is hallowed ground.




Roger Ebert showing why he won the Pulitzer for writing many years before.

MAKE IT GREEN

BY ROGER EBERT
September 14, 2001

If there is to be a memorial, let it not be of stone and steel. Fly no flag above it, for it is not the possession of a nation but a sorrow shared with the world.

Let it be a green field, with trees and flowers. Let there be paths that wind through the shade. Put out park benches where old people can sun in the summertime, and a pond where children can skate in the winter.

Beneath this field will lie entombed forever some of the victims of September 11. It is not where they thought to end their lives. Like the sailors of the battleship Arizona, they rest where they fell.

Let this field stretch from one end of the destruction to the other. Let this open space among the towers mark the emptiness in our hearts. But do not make it a sad place. Give it no name. Let people think of it as the green field. Every living thing that is planted there will show faith in the future.

Let students take a corner of the field and plant a crop there. Perhaps corn, our native grain. Let the harvest be shared all over the world, with friends and enemies, because that is the teaching of our religions, and we must show that we practice them. Let the harvest show that life prevails over death, and let the gifts show that we love our neighbors.

Do not build again on this place. No building can stand there. No building, no statue, no column, no arch, no symbol, no name, no date, no statement. Just the comfort of the earth we share, to remind us that we share it.


Copyright © Chicago Sun-Times Inc.

If you like the Iraq War, You'll LUV the Iran War

Here's hoping this doesn't turn out this way.

But, I get the feeling some of the brave neoconservatives who never served in the military would like to see this occur.

From Andrew Sullivan.

Obama and Hagel on Iraq

One Republican. One Democrat. Both incisive and honest.

From Andrew Sullivan and ABC News.

George Will on the failure of the "Surge"

George Will.

It is nice to see someone who is a true conservative comment on Iraq.

As opposed to the "Dubya is Jesus" chorus from most on the "right".

6 Years ago today.......

This was happening.

Two guys.

One now dead had nothing to do with it.

The other one, still alive, was responsible.



3 toons, 1 blog,1 Tuesday



Chan Lowe
Sun-Sentinel
Sep 11, 2007



Matt Davies
Journal News
Sep 11, 2007



Jake Fuller
Gainesville Sun
Sep 11, 2007

Monday, September 10, 2007

Here Comes Dr Tran. Watch Out

I first ran across this video a few years ago at the Music Box Theatre during a "Spike and Mike" animation festival.

Quite amusing. Naughty language.

If you have 7 minutes watch it.

Star Trek Meets Monty Python

Daily Toons Hot off the Net just 4 U



Steve Kelley
Times-Picayune
Sep 10, 2007



Ben Smith
Eat the State!
Sep 10, 2007

Sunday, September 9, 2007

New Uptown History Blog

Uptown History Blog.

Thanks to Anita,Dave,Meghan, Mandalay for posting over at BPN.

This is good. I will have to link to it on the side so my 4 million daily readers will see it.

Cartman Channels Bugs Bunny and Looney Toons and Kicks Osama Ass

Asian Americans Label Death Racist

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-montrose_09sep09,1,1356864.story?coll=chi_tab01_layout

Asian-Americans label angler's death racist

Fifty people attend a vigil at Montrose Harbor, where a Vietnamese fisherman drowned within seconds after being shoved into the water

By Emma Graves Fitzsimmons | Tribune staff reporter
September 9, 2007


Authorities aren't calling the drowning of a Vietnamese fisherman a hate crime, but members of the Asian-American community who gathered at a vigil on Saturday said they believe he was targeted because of his race.

"There were a lot of people out at the harbor early that morning from different backgrounds. Why did the alleged perpetrator pick on those individuals?" said Ben Lumicao, an adviser on the city's Commission on Human Relations. "Everyone in the Asian-American community had the same reaction: That could have been me or my uncle or my grandfather."

About 50 people attended the vigil at Montrose Harbor that was put together by a broad coalition of advocacy groups, including organizations representing Cambodian, Chinese, Japanese and Korean residents. After a musical performance on the sunny afternoon, there was a silent prayer for the family of the victim, Du Doan, 62, of the Far Northwest Side.

It is important for everyone to come together to talk about the fear and outrage people are feeling, said Sharmila Kanagalingham, a leader of Apna Ghar, a domestic violence shelter for Asian women.

"As Asian-Americans, we have always been viewed as a silent, model community," she told the crowd. "We will not be silent about this."

Doan, a father of three, was a Vietnamese immigrant. A private funeral service was held Saturday on the Northwest Side.

The Asian-American Institute has been in contact with Doan's family and collected donations for them at the vigil. A poster board reading, "We remember, We grieve, We hope," was filled with condolences for his family in English and Vietnamese.

Vigil organizers said they were relieved that a man was charged last week in the Sept. 1 killing of Doan, who was pushed into the water. But the fact that the suspect allegedly targeted two other men who appeared to be Asian seems more than a coincidence, said people at Saturday's vigil.

"We do think this should be labeled a hate crime," said Myron Dean Quon, legal director of the Asian-American Institute. "Our organization has gotten lots of calls from concerned residents. This has left the Asian-American community on edge and wary."

John J. Haley, 31, of Chicago was charged Wednesday with first-degree murder in Doan's drowning and aggravated battery for a similar incident on July 31 at Montrose Harbor that involved a man who appeared to be Asian.

Authorities allege that Haley was behaving erratically last weekend when he confronted another Asian fisherman and later shoved Doan into the water. Doan could not swim and died within seconds, police said.

Because the Illinois Hate Crimes Statute applies to misdemeanors, it did not apply to Haley's felony charges, Quon said.

Prosecutors use the law to upgrade a misdemeanor to a Class 4 felony if the offender acted because of race, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation or physical or mental disability.

It is important for police to continue to investigate whether discrimination played a part in the crime, Quon said.

"Not calling it a hate crime could make people think there is no such thing as discrimination against Asians in Chicago, and that just isn't true," he said.

Doan's death has been on everyone's mind and the constant topic of conversation, especially in Vietnamese neighborhoods on the North Side that surround a strip of businesses and restaurants along Argyle Street.

"It's been very scary for us, especially because fishing is the pastime of our community," said Ha Nguyen, an accountant from Uptown and a contributor to a local Vietnamese magazine.

Nguyen advised readers to be careful at the harbor and to fish in pairs, but he told them not to stop doing something they love because of one incident.

The drowning has been particularly tragic because they know what Doan must have endured in Vietnam and how difficult it can be to move to the United States, Lumicao said.

"Like any immigrant experience, we have had to traverse thousands of miles just for a chance to be here," he said. "There are so many obstacles and struggles, and it is difficult adjusting to a new language and culture. On top of all that, no one should have to worry about being the target of a crime as awful as this."

Trang Luu and her two daughters drove from Morton Grove to attend the vigil. Her daughters have been sad all week and can't understand why someone would hurt an old man, she said.

"I don't know what to say to them," she said. "We're just here to share and feel the sadness."

Her 12-year-old daughter, Vi-Vien Bui, read newspaper articles about Doan at the vigil.

"We're Vietnamese just like him," she said. "If the anger is directed at Asian fishermen, that is pretty racist."

-----------

efitzsimmons@tribune.com

Toons for a Sunday that is Sunny in September




John Sherffius
Sep 9, 2007



Jeff Darcy
The Plain Dealer
Sep 9, 2007

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Internet People. Amusing. Unlike Bin Laden

Join Osama Bin Hair Dye and Save on Taxes


Ya gotta luv the NY tabloids.

My two word answer:

Bite me. If he thinks I'm giving up alcohol, pork products, and hookers for a tax cut ,then he doesn't understand the American Psyche.

Give me beer, bacon,B-girls, bag, bawd, bimbo, blower, and broads or give me death!

See what damage an online thesaurus can do.

Just for Osama. New Hair Coloring Formula


Found this at the website of that renowned gay libertarian Andrew Sullivan

Dear OBL,

Just like yours, my beard has been getting a little gray on the chin and sides recently. And it really does age one. I'm not sure those 72 virgins have much of a choice in the matter but unless they have a Facial_5_2 grand-daddy fetish, you're probably not looking too hot these days. I know how you feel. I guess I grew resigned to it as I entered my 40s. Graying bear-dom or aging twink? Not a tough call - and my husband actually has a thing for salt-and-pepper types. And when I'd seen guys with dyed beards, I'd concluded it was useless trying to resist anyway. They all looked like someone had stuck a paint-brush on their chin. Which, I'm sorry to say, is a little close to your latest vlog-cast.

But all is not lost, your Mullahship. A little experimentation at the local CVS can work wonders. Or click here for help. Pick a color close to your own - dark brown or black, I'd say, in your case (95 - 100 on the JFM scale) - and dab just a little, just to take the edge off, no more. If in doubt, use less. If you fade it in slowly and gently over time, most people won't notice. But be careful or one lazy dye-job will be with you for weeks. Leave Just For Mullahs on for three minutes max and then rush to the shower or waterfall or whatever you're using at the moment. Presto. Your next video can blend back toward the whole 2004 look. It's a shame you blew it, of course, with the latest disaster. But image is reparable. Look at Hillary. With time, there's hope.

The alternative theory, of course, is that you're actually working a clean-shaven look, and wearing a false beard for security reasons. Sorry, but no excuse, Bin darling. There are plenty of good false wigs and beards available. They're not all uniform black - and even if that's all you can find, you can finagle something a little subtler than the toilet brush you've got stuck on your face right now. If you can't find someone to help in Kandahar, try Ptown. But come during bear week. If you put on a few pounds, you'll blend right in.